LOVINO VARGAS: User Guide and Manual

                             LOVINO VARGAS: User Guide and Manual

CONGRATULATIONS! You have just received a LOVINO VARGAS unit! In order to unlock the nicer side of this more irritating unit's personality, we've provided this manual. Reading it is highly advised so that you don't deal with an angry Italian and any overprotective bosses-slash-sobbing younger brothers.

Technical Specifications:

Name: Lovino Vargas. Will respond to "Romano," "South Italy," "Sud Italia," "Il Mezzogiorno," "Lovino, "Tomato lover," "Lovi," "Roma-chan," and "Fratello," although will only respond to the last one if it's in the case of a FELICIANO VARGAS unit or someone he considers equivalent (usually a small child), and with some irritation to the two before it.

Age:   20

Place of Manufacture:   Naples, Italy

Height:   5'10" (J/N: This was estimation on my part, since he's taller than
Italy, who is about 5'7"-5'8")

Weight:   N/A (It tends to fluctuate with his pasta/exercise ratio)

Length: Well he's not a ladies' man for no reason, dearest.

Your LOVINO VARGAS unit comes with the following:

Two (2) Tan military outfits

Two (2) sets of casual shirts/pants

One (1) Black suit

One (1) Beretta 93R w/bullets (that bruise, but don't break skin…most of the time)

One (1) Moustache

Programming

Your LOVINO VARGAS unit is programmed with the following traits:

Chef:   Despite his typical avoidance of the kitchen, LOVINO VARGAS has proven himself to be pretty good at cooking Italian cuisine, particularly if it involves tomatoes. The difficult part is convincing him too, but if you can, watch his skills rake in the cash! Just…don't ask him to make German or French Food…you WILL get hit for it.

Intimidator:
This unit's foul history involving the Mafia makes him pretty good at intimidating those jerks down the street who owe you cash, particularly when he picks up his gun…however, if the person is taller than him or British, you'd better abandon all hopes of this job.

¬Bodyguard: Alright, so this one isn't that likely. But for the same reasons above-not to mention his overprotective attitude of his younger brother-he can be a pretty good protector…although in his Violent mode, he will provide the best protection.

Removal of your LOVINO VARGAS Unit from Packaging

Your unit can be a bit of a pathetic nice guy like his brother, but not often. Due to his temper, it may be best to be cautious about waking him up, simply because he will be a jerk of jerks if you do so incorrectly. The best ways are listed below:

1. Place a plate of tomatoes beside the box, cooked or raw. LOVINO VARGAS will begin asking to be let out, and if you ignore him for more than two minutes, will begin cussing loudly and begin trying to claw his way out himself. It is advisable to simply open the box if you would rather have him thank you than glare at you. It's safe to reprogram him, though.

2. Speak in Spanish, French, German, or Italian. He will react with minor annoyance to the first, fear to the second, rage to the third, and a bit more willingly to the last one. He will be awake either way though, and you can let him out and reprogram him.

3. Bring in a FELICIANO VARGAS unit. Step out of the room for about one minute. When you come back in, you will have to separate the two units, as LOVINO VARGAS will be choking his brother for waking him up. You are then free to reprogram him at will.

4. Reach into the box and grab onto his hair curl. He will wake up and turn red with a loud shout of "CHIGI!!" Be warned that he is in Lustful mode at this point and will attempt to jump you. It will also cause any FELICIANO VARGAS units nearby to panic.

Reprogramming

After removing LOVINO VARGAS from his box, you can reprogram him to any personality listed below. Be forewarned, this unit has several modes, and not all are pleasant:

Tsundere (default)

Flipped

Suicidal

Terrified

Lustful

Violent (locked)

LOVINO VARGAS comes in his default Tsundere  mode. This mode means that in most cases, your unit will act like a bit of…well…a total jerk in most cases. He will usually refer to you in derogatory ways and be very rude. However, this will be to a lesser extent if you're a cute girl because, even if he isn't overly polite, he's still quite a flirt. He will be a bit more kind an protective towards you in that case, as well as to most other girls, provided that you react in a similar fashion. He will always act this way towards men (excluding his brother) and other male units, though, unless he is in a relationship with one of them.

Flipped  mode is tricky, but can be activated by locking a LOVINO VARGAS unit inside of a room with a FELICIANO VARGAS unit for an extended period of time…usually about a week. Flipped mode means that he will act like FELICIANO VARGAS (a bit more adorably pathetic and pasta-loving, as well as kinder to LUDWIG BEILSCHMIDT and ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO) and vice versa. More often than not, though, you will end up dealing with a Suicidal LOVINO VARGAS and Flustered FELICIANO VARGAS unit. Or some pretty hot incest between them.

The aforementioned Suicidal mode is just that: LOVINO VARGAS will be very irritable and twitchy, occasionally glancing around spastically and muttering in Italian. He will also make various attempts at bodily harm, from cutting at his wrists searching for a gun to put to his head. This mode is unlocked from overlong exposure to a FELICIANO VARGAS unit or having to calm down an ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO unit in Sociopathic mode. To get him out of this mode, give him some tomatoes and/or (again, if you're a cute girl) flirt with him a bit and he'll revert to Tsundere. If you aren't a girl, ask a CAMILLE STEICHEN unit to do it for you.

Terrified mode can be unlocked a number of ways. First and foremost, leave him with an IVAN BRAGINSKI, NATALYA ARLOVSKAYA, or ARTHUR KIRKLAND unit by himself for any number of minutes. Or even if someone IS there, he will react the same: Running to the nearest person he trusts, glomping them, and sobbing to them while begging for protection. It can also be activated with an S&M LUDWIG BEILSCHMIDT or any FRANCIS BONNEFOIS unit…although you may have to sign him up for rape therapy after either of those two.

Lustful mode is easy enough: Just grab onto his hair curl and don't let go. Or do let go, depending on how fast he reacts. Either way, he will proceed to start acting even more flirty than usual, and might go so far as actually pinning you to the ground and kissing your neck. If this is what you planned for, good! If not, we are not responsible for any lost virginity or charges for sexual offense. He also may act the same with any other females in the area. To get him out of this mode…either lock him in a bathroom and have him take care of it, or give him what he wants. If you are a boy and attempt to activate this/have other units activate it outside a relationship, you WILL get choked or punched brutally.

LOVINO VARGAS'S only locked mode is Violent. And for good reason, too. This mode can ONLY be unlocked if he hears a FELICIANO VARGAS unit got raped/injured severely. In this mode, your unit will be more violent and brave than usual. He will cuss more than ever, will not flirt with you or any other units, and will seek revenge on whoever hurt his brother, usually taking it out on a LUDWIG BEILSCHMIDT if he can't find the offender. The only way to snap him out of this mode is to leave him with a normal or-in extreme cases-Boss ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO unit. And even then it may not work. Call customer support if that is the case.

Relationships with Other Units

LOVINO VARGAS isn't specifically fond of many units, but here are a few where relations are possible:

ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO: Probably the most popular and easy relationship to achieve, due to ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO having looked after LOVINO VARGAS in his childhood. Your unit will typically act as Tsundere as always with ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO, but has a genuine soft spot for the affectionate Spaniard, though he never wants to admit it. Their relation will start off more brotherly and casual than anything, but if you get past that, you're in for some hot romance.

FELICIANO VARGAS: LOVINO VARGAS is very protective of his twin, and both are able to sense if the other is hurt, and will fly into a rage if he catches anyone violating his brother and pulling his hair curl. However, FELICIANO VARGAS simply won't understand if anyone does such a thing to his brother. Romance is possible and can be quite likely with these two.

LUDWIG BEILSCHMIDT: LOVINO VARGAS despises this unit with a burning passion that can be considered jealousy about the love his brother gets, or sexual tension, although LUDWIG BEILSCHMIDT couldn't care much less, simply puzzled by it. He will often attempt and fail to use his Moustache on LUDWIG BEILSCHMIDT. Romance between them is VERY unlikely, but possible.

FRANCIS BONNEFOIS: Your unit is TERRIFIED of this one, due to FRANCIS BONNEFOIS'S many failed attempts at capturing/molesting him as a child. This relationship will be the most difficult to achieve due to this fear, but you can try, if you really want to.

CAMILLE STEICHEN:  To put it simply, this is a bit one-sided. LOVINO VARGAS has a bit of a crush on CAMILLE STEICHEN, and will often turn red and get quite tongue-tied around her. If there is a CAMILLE STEICHEN in the room, he will act much more friendly and kind than he normally would in effort to get on her good side. While it isn't as likely as some of the other relations, you can sure try! Please note that, as our units cannot reproduce, you will not get any cute Italian-Belgian love children from this.

Cleaning

LOVINO VARGAS is perfectly capable of cleaning himself. He doesn't mind bathing with others, although it's inadvisable to wash his hair for him due to the hair curl's sensitivity, which in this situation, will lead to undoubted sexual harassment if you're a girl, or a pair of hands around your neck if you're a boy.

Feeding

LOVINO VARGAS loves to eat, and tomatoes are his favorite food. He also enjoys pasta and pizza though. But he will NEVER touch potatoes, wurst, or any German food at all.

Rest

Your unit has no problems with sleeping, and will often take a siesta anywhere and everywhere. Don't wake him up if you don't want an angry Italian cursing at you. He also tends to sleep naked at some points, and will often go find a FELICIANO VARGAS unit to sleep with.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: My unit is being a total jerk and won't stop calling me all kind of nasty names and glaring at me!

A: This is just part of his personality. A nice plate of tomatoes should make him be a bit more friendly…although if you're a boy or simply annoying to him, chances are a bit more slim.

Q: My LOVINO VARGAS unit suddenly tensed up and ran out the door shouting in rage! What happened?

A: Oh dear. Do any of your neighbors have a FELICIANO VARGAS unit? If they do, chances are that your unit suddenly sensed his brother had gotten injured or had his curl pulled. He'll return later, so don't worry TOO much.

Troubleshooting

Problem: Instead of an adult, you've received a small child who wears a white apron and a pink shirt.

Solution: Oh, dear, it seems we've sent you a CHIBIROMANO unit instead. This unit is exactly like his adult counterpart, though much more smart-mouthed and lazy. He'll refuse to do any work whatsoever, and often simply eat tomatoes all day. He will often ask for a CHIBITALIA unit and be much more flustered around a CAMILLE STEICHEN unit, while he gets much more easily irritated with any ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO units.

Problem: Your unit has suddenly taken to dressing in his black suit. He carries his gun everywhere, usually acts much more cold and violent towards you, and hardly shows any emotion but anger. He also has the habit of pointing the gun at you and your neighbors, asking for money.

Solution: Looks like you've unlocked your LOVINO VARGAS'S hidden Mafia mode. In this mode, LOVINO VARGAS will be much more likely to injure you and anyone else around him, and will rarely show or even FEEL any emotions. To get him out of this mode, lock him up with a FELICIANO VARGAS unit for a couple of days. When he comes out, he'll be in Suicidal mode, and feel free to reprogram him as you like.

With the right care, treatment, and lots of tomatoes, LOVINO VARGAS will prove to be a good companion, aside from the foul language and short temper. There's a lifetime warranty, so you'll have forever to make him as kind and loving to you as the Italian boyfriend you've always dreamed of. Good luck!